The Story of Leah - a day early
Had some extra online time so I thought perhaps I would share the story of Leah a day earlier than I planned, because its weighing so heavily on my mind.
My parents got Leah as a foster child when she was a mere 6 years old and in that time she had lived a very full life. Her biological father and mother had both abused her and left a wreck of a child behind. She lived with us until she turned 13 and became completely unmanageable - she attacked my mother and then a cop with a knife. So she was sent to a home in Ottawa for kids like her where she stayed until she turned 16 and they could no longer "force" her to stay there. She soon returned to Nova Scotia and moved back into the area where my parents now live. Mom and Dad have done everything to support her, financially, emotionally and physically. She met a boy from their church and was living with him within the month.
2 weeks later she was pregnant. So now, she is due on November 29th, 2006 to give birth and she is a bloody mess. The pregnancy has further complicated all the mental illnesses she has and added extra hormones into the mess she has become. She is hateful toward my parents, and toward anyone and everyone else in her life with the exception of me. However she cares very little about the baby she carries and Family and CHildren Services have already stepped in and the baby will be taken from her unless she decides on her own to give it up for adoption. And guess who the baby will go to if she doesn't relinquish custody willingly... thats right, my parents. My mom is 48 and my father will be 56 in September. The baby will more than likely be special needs given her drug use during this pregnancy. My biological sister Krista (Jack's mom) is HORRIFIED at the thought of all this and I must say, at this point so am I.
My parents.... while they mean well, are NOT good parents. They are the VERY thing I mentioned in my first posts. They have a mold in their heads that they expect their children to live and grow into and if they don't, well then they're failures. I am one such failure in their eyes. However this baby is coming and I think as does Krista that it will be one SERIOUS mess. If Mom and Dad try to raise this baby and Leah is given access to it at all, bad things will happen. She isn't stable, not in the least nor is the baby's father. Neither of them have an education, neither will work or earn money and they are completely selfish children caught up in their own worlds.
I don't know what to do about the whole thing except wash my hands of the whole mess. I cannot worry about all this drama without getting short of breathe and panicked. I have my own life and baby to worry about and this mess was so preventable. I see how sick Jack was when he was first born (he was born almost 2 months premmature with a blood blockage in his brain, underweight and grownth restricted) and I know what kind of Mom Krista is, how much she deserved a healthy baby. She did EVERYTHING right, she quit smoking, she quit pot, she ate right, took her vitamins and yet Leah does not give a shit what happens to the life she carries. She has done cocaine, ecstasy and been drunk numerous times sincefinding out she was pregnant.
Just when I think I get my brain around the whole thing it blows up in my face again, Leah will call me crying or show up here and I don't know what to do with her anymore. Do I turn my back on her??? Do I stand by and watch this happen, or do I run screaming into the night and never show my face to this family again???
Its too messy for words and I know I've skipped crucial information regarding this whole situation, I'm sure some of you are scratching your heads with a thousand questions so please ask away because it will help me explain better. But I just needed to get as much down as I could.
Ter
My parents got Leah as a foster child when she was a mere 6 years old and in that time she had lived a very full life. Her biological father and mother had both abused her and left a wreck of a child behind. She lived with us until she turned 13 and became completely unmanageable - she attacked my mother and then a cop with a knife. So she was sent to a home in Ottawa for kids like her where she stayed until she turned 16 and they could no longer "force" her to stay there. She soon returned to Nova Scotia and moved back into the area where my parents now live. Mom and Dad have done everything to support her, financially, emotionally and physically. She met a boy from their church and was living with him within the month.
2 weeks later she was pregnant. So now, she is due on November 29th, 2006 to give birth and she is a bloody mess. The pregnancy has further complicated all the mental illnesses she has and added extra hormones into the mess she has become. She is hateful toward my parents, and toward anyone and everyone else in her life with the exception of me. However she cares very little about the baby she carries and Family and CHildren Services have already stepped in and the baby will be taken from her unless she decides on her own to give it up for adoption. And guess who the baby will go to if she doesn't relinquish custody willingly... thats right, my parents. My mom is 48 and my father will be 56 in September. The baby will more than likely be special needs given her drug use during this pregnancy. My biological sister Krista (Jack's mom) is HORRIFIED at the thought of all this and I must say, at this point so am I.
My parents.... while they mean well, are NOT good parents. They are the VERY thing I mentioned in my first posts. They have a mold in their heads that they expect their children to live and grow into and if they don't, well then they're failures. I am one such failure in their eyes. However this baby is coming and I think as does Krista that it will be one SERIOUS mess. If Mom and Dad try to raise this baby and Leah is given access to it at all, bad things will happen. She isn't stable, not in the least nor is the baby's father. Neither of them have an education, neither will work or earn money and they are completely selfish children caught up in their own worlds.
I don't know what to do about the whole thing except wash my hands of the whole mess. I cannot worry about all this drama without getting short of breathe and panicked. I have my own life and baby to worry about and this mess was so preventable. I see how sick Jack was when he was first born (he was born almost 2 months premmature with a blood blockage in his brain, underweight and grownth restricted) and I know what kind of Mom Krista is, how much she deserved a healthy baby. She did EVERYTHING right, she quit smoking, she quit pot, she ate right, took her vitamins and yet Leah does not give a shit what happens to the life she carries. She has done cocaine, ecstasy and been drunk numerous times sincefinding out she was pregnant.
Just when I think I get my brain around the whole thing it blows up in my face again, Leah will call me crying or show up here and I don't know what to do with her anymore. Do I turn my back on her??? Do I stand by and watch this happen, or do I run screaming into the night and never show my face to this family again???
Its too messy for words and I know I've skipped crucial information regarding this whole situation, I'm sure some of you are scratching your heads with a thousand questions so please ask away because it will help me explain better. But I just needed to get as much down as I could.
Ter
posted by Tymber at 3:29 PM
3 Comments:
What is the right thing to do? God, how I 've struggled with that question in my life, and I am probably the worst one to be giving advice-- - so It seems you are the kind to take in the weak, abused, and neglected- could tell that from your first post- you are a nurturer - but Leah is not a broken horse- her problems sound bigger than anything you can put back together--- mental illness and drug abuse---- that's beyond the resources of your tender heart, and why you are feeling so frustrated and powerless- The only hope i see for that baby is for you and Krista, and even your parents to be in his/her life- you probably have to accept that there isn't going to be help for Leah- people have to want to be helped--- I'm afraid that turning your back on her would actually cause you more distress, and you would still be worried about her baby- I'm rambling on,, just don't know what to say-- what can you live with? The worst thing to live with is guilt and regret-- What about her church- I know how you feel about your parents, My kids would say the same thing about me, but you and krista seem like kind caring adults- and that's what matters- so in spite of their expectations, they must have done something right, and this time around, you will be there to help influence the child--- i don't know what i'm saying, I hope someone else reading this can give you some sound advice-- It sounds like Leah got a bad deal from birth too--- sad, sad story---Just remember, this is not your responsibility, you didn't cause it and you can't change it, all you can do is be a soft place for Leah, and try to counsel her about caring for her babe- don't know what else to say- Only you can truly know what you need to do- to be true to yourself and to maintain your health-- sorry I'm not much help-
Hon, what can I say, we've been in the thick of things with one another for years, you have been a sister to me for so long and so unlike others who might read your blog I actually know because I've been there with you...
You know that you can never truly turn your back on her..it's not the person you are, adn I know that you won't go there...And while it is true, your parents don't need to be raising little ones in this stage of the game, but you and Krista are different from your parents too, who knows maybe you too will be able to help give some kind of balance to her along with your parents...
Things will be the way that they are meant to be, and you know that..you are a smart and dedicated woman, and a hell of alot stronger than you realize...Don't let it stress you out..and remember my ear and shoulder are always yours.
Love ya
Sorry to start up again-- in a nutshell- if I could have Chris back, I would just love him, accept him, and try to get him help-- too late for me--
Post a Comment
<< Home