Dougie Spent the Night....

So - he just left to go get us coffee's from Tim's. (one of my addictions) Nothing happened but by the Goddess it was nice having him beside me last night. I didn't sleep any better than normal but I felt safe all night and that counted for something. Mady will be awake any time but I wanted to quickly blog and let you know I am trying to keep up with the blogs on here. I love you all and I'm still working on new pictures.

Love,
Ter

The Life and Times of the Brown Family...

So I've been trying for almost two weeks now to get a picture of Mady with her eyes open. But as soon as the flash goes off on the camera, she shuts her eyes - so every picture looks like she's sleeping. Hopefully today with some sun I can turn the flash off and get some pictures of my alert baby girl. She's so aware already and so bright. I thought newborns were sleepy and dozy for a while? Not her! We did get one picture with her eyes open but its not a close up, it's of me and her but I decided to post it anyway. It's so nice to be able to post pictures again, it was driving me BONKERS not to be able to show off my babies (Jack would be the other "baby").

So I've started SERIOUSLY searching for an apartment in HRM. Time to get this ball rolling. Not that its likely but if any of you know a landlord in HRM, send them my way :) Its time to get the hell out of here and get my life in order - my daughter requires it, and for that matter so do I.

The public health nurse came on Friday and stayed for over an hour talking to me. Because of the depression I suffered from as a teen and the PTSD I'll have for the rest of my life it puts me at a far greater risk for post partum depression so I have to be "watched". She said if family or friends notice something is off then I have to get my ass in to see someone and not let it go. For the sake of Mady. *sighs* This PTSD is getting on my nerves and its not something that alot of people even know about but it holds me back, not because I allow it mind you, but it affects some of the decisions that I make and how I deal with things.

Am I alone in the observation that blogging is terribly cathartic?? If days go by that I can't get online or atleast read up on everyone elses lives - then I feel disconnected somehow.

Anyway - this is sort of a hodge podge of stuff today and I will be back on later to post any pictures I can get once she's awake again, plus Jack will be here after he goes to church. And in regard to Tam's post about meeting online, Krista (Jack's mom) has met someone online who is everything she wants and then some. He lives in Peterborough Ontario (my old stomping ground) and I'm pretty sure I know him. I'll get into my Ontario years in another post. His name is Mark and he makes her glow. She feels like she is too large to meet him so she has asked him for 4 months to get "slim" and then she wants to meet up for New Years with him (he's going to come down). We aren't going to tell my mother, because all she will see is the possibility of Krista leaving NS and moving to Ontario and right now, that is SO NOT the important part of it all. I want her happy, loved and she and Jack to be taken care of.

Ok that's enough of my thoughts for one blog.

My love to you all - and if you want to read a beautiful love story as it unfolds, read Tam's blog.

Ter

Sleep - What's That???

Nannan - sleep is a mistress I don't get to visit these days - I must look scary as hell but I'm loving this, just wish she would settle better at night - I think her internal clock is backwards, as she is awake all night, from 10 pm on and she wants to be held held held and rocked rocked rocked and sung to and gabbed at. She's so gorgeous and she's such a Mom's girl how could I say no to her??

Wooohoo - I can post pictures again. Aren't her and Jack cute together????

Love you all
Ter

I Have an Angel....

And she knows who she is. Thank you - from the bottom of my heart, for your help. I love you for it. And for caring enough.

In response to a question I was asked - I get most of my baby stuff from WalMart or Superstore. WalMart is the most fun though - they have so many cute things.

I'll be back later on to blog some more I just didn't want to wait any longer to thank who I needed to thank.

And Tam - I've been thinking about you working with your knee the way it is. I hope yesterday wasn't too hard on you and hopefully your appointment today will produce a good brace. I love you babe.

And I love the rest of you too - ya'll have kept me sane MANY nights throughout this pregnancy and now into this life. Thank you all.

Love,
Ter

The Story of Tammie and Ter (as I remember it)

Had a dream last night and been going through some things that have really made me appreciate Tam's love and support, not that I didn't before but even MORE now.

I don't know if Tam remembers meeting me at 4-H or not - Goddess we were young then. We didn't get SUPER close until high school though, but when we did - it was an instant bond and it's still as strong as it ever was. Tam was there for me through a terribly abusive boyfriend. She was the one I turned to with my dreams, my fears, my questions and my wild stories about the things my parents did. She was there through the trials of Leah and Patrick (who I don't talk about but who is my adopted brother). She stood by me when everyone else turned there backs on me. And you know what? No matter where either of us ends up, we always find each other again and its like no time has passed and we are still the sisters we have always been. Most people have friends for the many different parts of themselves - sports friends, work friends what have you, but Tam was always the one person I didn't have to censor myself with - it didn't matter what the subject or issue - I could say what I felt (regardless of how scary) and she took it in, digested it and I knew she never judged me.

And so my friend - this little blog is just a note so that you know how much you mean to me, how much you will ALWAYS mean to me.

I love you babe - with all my heart.

Ter

PS. This thing is still not letting me post pictures so I'm going to go take some new ones and e-mail them to Aunt Tam and she can post them if she wishes. *huggs*

Try Again

Ok this thing didn't add my pictures even though it said it did so I'll try again and if it doesn't work and you want to see some pictures, comment with your e-mail address and I'll add you to my list to update.

Still didn't work so e-mail me if you want pictures.

*huggs*
Ter

So Tired, But So Happy...

Hi guys - I know I've been VERY quiet these last couple of days but Mady comes first and she doesn't allow much online time. She's eating a CRAZY amount of food and she had her first doctors appointment yesterday. The doctor told me to let her go and eat as much as she wants to. She's eating about 3.5 oz every couple of hours which is FAR more than the 1 oz they said to feed her every 3 or 4 hours. She is allergic to anything BUT Pampers diapers but her bum is still super ouchie from me not knowing that so this morning she is going to have a soda bath and soak her little bum. Its wierd though, I can't imagine how I ever got by without her. She's by far the light of my life. I am terribly sore still though from the delivery - I mean I can get around ok but sometimes I forget what just happened to me and I slap myself down in a chair and cringe.

So I'm bottle feeding her too - no breast feeding but my breasts are starting to complain and have been for a couple of days now. They're SO full and I don't know how long they'll stay like that. I almost wish I could go back and forth between a bottle and breast feeding because I feel like a milk cow right now :)

After her bath I'm going to take some more pictures of her but I have a few I'm going to post with this entry from Wednesday. That's all for now but wen she's sleeps again I'll be back online if I can get the computer.

Tam - Sorry I haven't been able to call you yet - as you know life is crazy right now.

NOTE: Do any of you have any monitor recommedations?? I have a Fisher Price one but it's old and it doesn't work very good and I would like to have one that works perfect so I will go buy a new one but any suggestions would be great.

Love you all
Ter

So I Thought It Was Time...

We're alive and we're fine :) She was 5 lbs 13 oz at birth which was 10:13 pm Monday night. I was induced and it was hard, fast and painful. 4 hours from start to finish. I can't type much now because she's hungry again but I love you all VERY much and if ya'll want to bear with me I'll post pictures once she's asleep.

I was also told to post my mailing address for some reason??

Teri-Lynn Brown
240 Lynch Road
Ellershouse, NS
B0N 1L0

Talk soon
Ter

MSN Idea...

So how many of us have MSN messenger?? I know Tam and I do. I was just reading Camper Chick's blog and she said no one was on MSN so I know she does too. If anyone wants to add me it's under:

paqtism@hotmail.com

Ter

The Waiting is Driving Me... *graphic*

Waiting and waiting and waiting some more. I'm some glad the hospital sent me home because if I had been stuck in the hospital for the last two days I'd be insane by now. Mind you I can't do much now (as per doctors orders) however I did get all my laundry done and my bed sheets changed and my room vacumed so that I can come home to a clean room and not have to worry about that stuff for a while.

I am still passing discharge that looks like the mucus plug did. I've never been this far along, all my miscarriages were too early for me to experience any of this stuff so I don't know what I'm dealing with. I do know that if she continues to wait, she'll be coming tomorrow morning. I am so bloody nervous but at the same time anxious to have her, I can't wait to hold her in my arms. I'm told that because I'm already somewhat dialated, that my labour will be fast. Anyone know if thats true or not??

I'm a little worried because I've been having odd pains across the top of my uterus and everyone around me is saying that it can't be contractions because they would be lower in my pelvis. But at the same time I'm scared to depend on what these people tell me - *whispers* they don't really know what they're talking about.

Ok I'm off to have a HOT shower and try to relax - I feel like I should go jump around and see if I can get this thing moving but I also think I might regret that :) I'll try to post again later on if nothing has happened. I don't have Tam's number yet so this concerns me as I don't think I'll be sitting in a computer chair right away when this all does happen but I will want everyone to know what's happening. I have Teahound and Dan's number so I might just get someone to call her and get her to call Tam. Ok once more I'm off - my whole body hurts :)

My love to you all,
Ter

Ughhh... She tagged me :P

I've been tagged, if you tag me again - I may hunt you down :) ....
One Book that changed your Life - Life With Billy
One Book You've Read More Than Once - One Door Away From Heaven by Dean Koontz
One book you would want on a desert island - The Da vinci Code by Dan Brown
One book that made you laugh - The Funny Thing Is... by Ellen Degeneres
One book that made you cry - Message from Nam by Danielle Steele or Odd Thomas by Dean Koontz
One book you wish had been written - The Story of My Life by Teri-Lynn Brown
One book you wish had never been written - Can't say I have one
One book you are currently reading - From the Corner of His Eye by Dean Koontz
One book you have been meaning to read - Forever Odd by Dean Koontz
(Can anyone tell how much I adore Dean Koontz)
Now tag five people - I don't think there are 5 people left on this blog that haven't already been tagged SO if you read this entry and you haven't been tagged then guess what?? YOU ARE TAGGED!

3 cm + Mucus Plug = WARNING : GRAPHIC!!!!

Ok so ladies I am taking the time to update this blog so people can stop wondering and worrying. As of 3 o'clock yesterday afternoon I am 3 cm dialated (probably more by now) and my blood pressure is up so they sent me to Early Labour and Assessment, where they checked the baby and me. I had blood taken and my liver is handling the high blood pressure like a champ and my baby girl is fine so they have sent me home until labour starts in earnest. This morning at 7 am I passed what I'm pretty sure is my mucus plug and I am feeling twinges. Still nothing hard yet so the wait begins but my doctor told me if I haven't gone into hard labour my Monday morning she is going to induce me SO basically Monday at the latest for the baby. :)

Nannan - your advice keeps me going and I take every word you say straight to heart. I love you dearly and I thank you for always commenting and advising me. I wish I had bugged Chris more to meet his parents, then I wouldn't feel like the time I didn't know you was wasted. Regardless - I believe everything happens for a reason and us meeting this way has been a true life line for me.

So I'm very nervous about all of this but Doug is being AMAZING. And Krista and Jack will be back tomorrow.

I'm getting really uncomfortable sitting in this chair so I'm getting offline and I'll POSSIBLY check back in later on and see if anyone has read this.

ALSO so everyone knows - I will be at the IWK Grace in Halifax for this baby. I don't think I can call long distance from the phones there or I would call Tam and update her and then she could update all of you. However if you don't hear from me by tonight sometime, then check at the hospital. Last name is Brown, as I'm pretty sure most of you know.

I love you all -
Ter (and soon to be a BABY GIRL!!)

Lightning Crashes

So I'm awake - somewhat. My head is pounding and I have a thousand things to do today. Atleast I can do them MY way and at my own pace without any of the usual suspects around. Its VERY quiet around here, almost spookily so. It's been a while since it was just me for the whole day. Usually someone else is here somewhere.

I am missing Jack terribly - that sweet smiling face always makes things better regardless of what they are.

Anyone seen any good movies lately??? I haven't and I'm dying to. I saw Freedomland which wasn't BAD, but wasn't what I thought it would be. Also saw Final Destination 3, which by the way they ended it, there will be a #4.

My love to you all
Ter

A Heads Up for Later

Hi all -

It's too early to seriously blog yet and everyone is still here so I just wanted to pop on and let ya'll know I'll be blogging like CRAZY today and online ALL day too. Everyone in this house is leaving for the day except me - they'll be a couple of hours away from me in Amherst so let's keep our fingers crossed that I'm ok. Anyway -check back in by lunch time and a large blog should await you.

I love you all

Ter

Baby Stuff - Swollen Ankles

Hi all -

Decided to immerse myself in baby preparations today. Got her crib all set up, and her mobile and her sheets and bedding are currently in the dryer after being washed in Baby Purex detergent. I'm thinking I'll throw another load of her stuff in and bring her dresser in from the garage and get it wiped down so I can put all her stuff away. Plus as soon as my uncle gets here he's going to help me move the huge chest of drawers over from my grandmothers so I can get all my clothing off of shelves. Over all everything that I've done today has made a HUGE difference in my room and opened it up alot. That and it's all stuff that needed to be done anyway prior to little miss coming home.

What do you guys think of the name Meighan Denise? Or Meeghan Denise?? Or Meeghan Denyse?? Or does it all sound bad?? Or perhaps Meeghan May? Or Meeghan Mai? I dunno... just some thoughts I'm having and the name Meeghan won't leave my head. Pronounced Me-ghan not May-ghan. I know I keep changing my mind but I want something different for her and that's different but not too far fetched. Or should I give her my name as in Meeghan Lynn?? That might be nice too all things considered.

Ok I'm sure I'm boring you all to tears with my baby yakk, but I am offically due tomorrow (Tam I wish you were here to hold my hand through this) and I am TERRIFIED if I let myself think about it too much. I didn't sleep a wink last night, too worked up about everything.

My friend (also happens to be Doug's brother) Nick and his best friend Dan were in a car accident yesterday afternoon, they're ok I guess, although I'll feel better when I've seen them myself. But Dan's car is totalled. Both Dan and Nick just got married - Dan on May 30th and Nick on July 8th so when I heard the news, my heart skipped a beat. (Reading back over that last couple of sentences it almost sounds like they are married to each other - they aren't. They're best friends but married to women) Not that it would bother me in the least if they were gay. And they both know that.

Did I mention how swollen my ankles are??? THEY'RE HUGE!!! I look like I'm walking around on two balloons instead of feet. Seriously - I would take pictures but it would make ya'll nauseous.

Ok I've rambled on far enough for one blog - I'll try to get some pictures of the crib to post and I still want to scan my ultrasound picture in so I can post it for Aunt Tam and all her Blog Aunt/Uncle/Grandparents to see.

Love you all,
Ter

I Did So Smile Tam

See Tam - I did smile :)
This is me opening a package of condoms that I got from my smart ass cousin. I said a bit like shooting a dead body isn't it?? :P

Picture Post

Here we go - pictures from my baby shower. Enjoy!!

Hi Ho, Hi Ho - It's Off to the Doctor I Go.

Another day - another doctor's appointment. So it's like 7 am and I signed on to check my e-mail and quickly blog before this day begins. Did I mention how tired I am lately??? I think I could sleep for days and not get too much sleep. 45 minutes until I fill out my EI reports and then a bunch of nail biting and stress waiting for Tuesday morning to arrive.

Big fight with Mom and Dad yesterday. That was fun... NOT. Krista and Jack leave today for the States until next Sunday. Man I'm gonna miss the little tyke. So I've added some pictures - three are from Jack's first swimming experience and one is from the day before that when he was chilling in the hammock. I have TONS of other pictures I want to post but they won't all fit in one post so I'll be back once I publish this one with a picture post so ya'll can see what I've been up to.

Love,
Ter